Social Media Integrity Blog, Episode 1: Bella Malatesta

One of the most powerful things about social media is the platform for expression it provides. Individuals can share their stories and become advocates and inspirations for others. Students at U-M have harnessed this potential and used their personal media to do just this. Bella Malatesta is a sophomore at U-M majoring in communications, with minors in digital studies and creative writing. She is the owner of the Instagram blog @iam.becoming. She started the blog just before coming to Michigan, and it has become widely known among the student population. Bella uses her creative writing talent to transform personal experiences into a relatable narrative. Her willingness to be vulnerable and honest has become an inspiration and example for others. 

Tell me about yourself and your @iam.becoming Instagram. What is your mission and your vision for the account?

Okay. I started this account when I was a senior in high school and I did not know where I was going to college. I was freaking out. I was waitlisted at Michigan and ended up not finding out until July, but I decided, “I’m going to start this and write about anything that’s on my mind.” And it was very much a relief. I did not expect it to blow up at all, and then it became what it did pretty quickly. And then since then I’ve just met a bunch of great people through it, whether they’re DMing me on Instagram or coming up to me, even in person. I remember the day I moved in, someone recognized me and it was the weirdest thing ever.

I’ve had people tell me it really helps them and impacts their life in a positive way. The more I can share that with more people would be amazing. But a lot of stuff is just up in the air. I’m at this stagnant point where it’s like, I want to figure out what I’m doing with it, and is it just a hobby? Or do I want to try to transform this into a career? I don’t know. We’ll see where it takes me.

In one of your posts, you mentioned your experience with growing up and being judged and how it motivates you to become an advocate for self-acceptance. Can you elaborate on this and some of your other motivators?

Oh my gosh, high school was a rough time. When I was in high school, for some reason I thought that I needed to be perfect. Don’t ask me why.

I had this really weird reputation. I think it was because the people I hung out with, like my best friend, are a little more crazy. People thought every weekend I would go out and party and drink and smoke, and in reality, that was just not me at all. I was at home doing puzzles with my mom and my brothers. I was super, super nerdy. I think that was the biggest thing and that’s another reason why I started the blog. One of my first posts was to say, “Guys, this is what I was actually doing and what you guys thought of me was so incorrect.” I had a really hard time in high school because I know a lot of people didn’t want to be friends with the girl who was out doing crazy stuff every weekend. It was difficult to find friends and have them actually believe me. I’m not like that, but it’s rare to have people to see through that or see past that.

That was a big thing that I talk about: it doesn’t really matter what other people think of you. You just have to know who you are because, although I can write about it and say, “Hey, that’s not what it was like,” I’m probably not going to change most people’s minds. I have to be confident in who I am and what I do and not try to prove who I am to other people. If they see it, great. If they don’t, that’s fine too.

There are so many ways to communicate and share parts of ourselves with others. Why did you decide to use social media, and specifically Instagram, for your platform of expression?

When I was growing up on Instagram, I would always compare myself to Instagram influencers who looked perfect. I wanted to—not be an influencer by any means—but say, “I may on the outside appear like them, but there’s a lot of problems that I had growing up.” I had a hard time with, not anorexia, but I did have a partial eating disorder, and…it’s not worth it. Life is not as amazing as it seems on Instagram, and I feel like Instagram is where most people show their highlights and not anything else. Whereas Twitter, people will be a little more raw. But Instagram seemed the most fake to me when I started. I think that was another reason why I chose that platform, to change some of that.

I’ve always been a super, super open person. But I do know it’s really hard for some people to open up. I feel like the people that are more like me should almost take responsibility and be more open and honest on social media.

And you’ve even talked about feeling a disconnect sometimes between your online self and real life. How do you find a balance between the two? Do you have a balance?

Honestly, I don’t know. I feel like sometimes I have a balance and sometimes I don’t. In the summer it’s definitely easier to find a balance, and then during the school year, during exams and stuff I have so much other stuff to think about than writing this blog. Sometimes this is the last thing I want to do.

I mean, not too long ago I posted a blog about feeling overwhelmed with the whole process because finding balance is really hard. I’ve had a lot of my friends reach out to me and be like, “Don’t make this a chore. Obviously it’s something you like to do. Just post when you want to.” And I feel like that’s really helped me, in the past few weeks, find more of a balance. I’ll go on and respond to all of the comments and DMs that I get on the day that I’m going to post and just completely catch up and feel okay with where I am at that point, and then not go on again until the next time I’m going to post. And I feel like that’s just helped me think, “Yeah, I can take two hours here because I’m not on it every single day catching up.” And I even tell people if they really need something, they can email me because I’m on my email a lot more frequently.

I mean, it’s just hard when you go every single day. There’s always something you can be doing. I’m a real person and I don’t have the time to dedicate my entire life to this right now. And I feel like people definitely understand that too, and see that. They know I’m a college student.

That brings us into your “I’m here for you,” post. You talk about how you interact with your followers online and then when they come up to you in person. Do you find that social media has helped you find genuine connections with these people, and how do you manage these interactions, especially in person?

Honestly, I met one of my very best friends who—he just came up to me when I was at Wilma’s and said, “Oh, I recognize you from your blog,” and we literally just sat down and talked for two hours. That was really cool. And then I actually had one person come and visit me from a different state. I want to make people know that I’m here if they need someone to talk to.

Honestly, the people that follow me are super understanding. I feel like they’re the best people in the world. I feel very lucky to have this connection with the people that follow me because I would never call them my fans because I’m just another person.

When I met the one person that came here from another state I literally felt like I’d known them for a few years. It was the weirdest thing ever. It was really cool. It was so nice being able to meet certain people face to face. They always check in on my life. It’s nice for me to be able to know things about them and be able to check in on them about their lives, too.

Your posts start some difficult conversations related to emotional expression, self-care, sexuality, body image, and personal insecurities. What gives you the courage to tackle such uncomfortable topics?

It’s the way that we think about it, everyone thinks these topics are super taboo, but I’m just trying to make everyone aware that it’s not that weird. The only reason it’s a big deal is because we’re making it a big deal. And I feel like that’s how it is about a lot of these issues.

Also, I’m not an expert on any of these things. I try to make that very clear. Sure, I’m a female so I have a little bit of different perspective than the white male, and I’m white as well, but I don’t know anything about being bisexual or gay or lesbian. I want to discuss it from a point of view of, “I have no idea what you guys are going through or like what it’s like, but I still think that it’s relevant to talk about, to be discussed.” I feel like the more we talk about it, the more people will be comfortable with it, and more open. My main goal with tackling those more difficult topics was just so people realize it’s not as big of a deal as they think that it is.

What has been your most difficult or vulnerable post and then why did you ultimately decide to share it?

I remember what I talked about, and I remember exactly what was happening. I wrote this right after I got out of yoga. I was literally bawling my eyes out in yoga because of something the teacher said. I lived in Bursley last year, so I was just sitting on the blue bus.

It’s, “I am breaking free.” It’s about last year: I was like, “I’m going to restrict myself; I don’t want to gain freshman 15.” And this was also with my whole body image, I just had so many problems with it, and I think the most vulnerable part about the blogpost I wrote was the second picture where I wrote exactly what I was thinking. At one of my low points, in my notes, it says: “I hate my body. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I don’t like to come home. I feel like I’m not living enough. I feel alone. I feel like I’m never anyone’s first option. I don’t laugh. I don’t dance around like I used to. I used to be creative. I began to rely on food for happiness. I want a best friend. I feel like I’m putting out a fake persona online. It was helping others hurting me. I don’t usually feel as passionate about the same things that I used to.” And I feel like that was almost an all-time low for me. And then coming out of this yoga class, I thought, “Oh my gosh. Now I’m really seeing everything that’s wrong with what’s going on in my head.” And now was the point where I’m going to try and change it.

It’s been a slow process, but it’s definitely gotten a lot better. I feel like that has just been something that I’ve grown up with. Dancing my whole life, you always have to look super skinny and all of this other stuff. I feel like that was one thing that was always weighing me down, always on my mind. I think, for me, that was the biggest challenge in my life. That post was just me overcoming it. Also, I swore for the very first time in that post, in my entire life.

I feel like that was just me finally realizing everything that was wrong. And I almost felt like before that I was posting all this stuff about how to be this person and I don’t even know if I’m following through on all of the things that I’m talking about. Obviously, I’m not perfect. That was just when I overcame my biggest struggle.

I found your, “Nothing is one size fits all,” post extremely inspiring. So often as young women we are faced with the pressure to appear perfect both online and in person. Beauty and body image standards are so hard to escape and even harder to separate from your self worth, especially when comparison to others online is so readily available. You’ve opened up about your own body image struggles and progress that you’ve made in your self-image. What advice do you have for other women struggling with these same challenges?

I feel like the one thing that helped me is just: is it worth it? When you are near the end of your life, are you going to remember how perfect you looked when you were 19 years old or are you going to remember the memories that you had and, for me, the amazing food that you ate? What is going to mean the most to you later in life? When I finally realized that I was like, “Oh crap. I really need to do something.”

Last year I was very, “I’m not going out, I’m setting rules and going to bed at this time,” very strict for myself. After I realized that wasn’t what was going to make me happy and make me feel like I lived my life to the fullest, I decided, “No. That needs to change.” I connected that with my body image struggles and that helped me the most. Also, finding inspiration in people that I’ve met online. Having inspiration in a lot of different aspects of your life is really important.

What would you say is the most profound thing that you’ve learned from this experience?

Everyone wants someone to talk to. When I realized that I wasn’t alone in not having anyone to talk to or not feeling comfortable with the people who are in my life, now I can be that person for so many people. And I remember the one comment that will stick with me. I came home and cried because it made everything feel so real. I came out of class one time and someone recognized me and they walked back with me to my apartment and they said, “I just wanted to tell you that your blog post is the reason—you saved my friend’s life.” And I literally was like, “Holy crap. That’s real.” I never thought that anything like that was ever going to happen. And I think I always knew this subconsciously, but everyone needs someone to talk to.

Even words can do so much to someone’s life, whether you know it or not. I feel like you need to be very aware of what you’re posting. I mean, I haven’t really noticed this in a while, at least personally, but I know cyber bullying is still a thing. Although you may be hiding behind the screen and everyone may appear like everything’s fine, there’s so many people that are struggling so you just should be very conscious of that. You don’t know what someone’s going through.

 

Post written by #UMSocial Intern Keara Kotten